You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
