look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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