dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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