i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
