I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
