dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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