Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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