he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
