The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
