I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
