Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
