ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
