after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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