Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
