If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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