I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
