a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
