so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
