Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
