that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
