I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My bed smells like the plague
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