is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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