I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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