one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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