Small penises have feelings too.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
