Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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