dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
