When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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