Kiss
Puke
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
