the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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