Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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