The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
