Can i not drive my cunt home
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
