lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
last night I used snow as a chaser
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
