Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
