dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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