What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i came on her dog
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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