Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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