i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
