I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
