keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
