and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
