we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
