are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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