I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
