Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
