so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
