I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
