But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
