last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
