Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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