I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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