Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
