Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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